


dark before dawn

by Kittakimushroom



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Lancelot - Freeform, M/M, Merlin - Freeform, Merlin is sad, Morgana is gone, Protective Lancelot (Merlin), Sad, and merlin blames himself, and so does morgana damnit, but if you want it to be gay then thats ok, he deserves better, my poor boy, this is supposed to be friendship, upset merlin
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-26
Updated: 2020-11-26
Packaged: 2021-03-10 07:21:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,124
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27719471
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kittakimushroom/pseuds/Kittakimushroom
Summary: Lancelot realizes Merlin isn't doing to great and goes to visit him. Merlin blames himself for what happened to Morgana. This is meant to be a friendship fic but we all know that every character in merlin is gay as hell so if you want to see it as a relationship then that's fine too. I wrote this at ass o'clock in the morning and didn't edit it so sorry if there are mistakes.
Relationships: Lancelot & Merlin (Merlin), Lancelot/Merlin (Merlin)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 34





	dark before dawn

Merlin had been acting a bit off. To anyone else the young warlock looked as happy as ever, but Lancelot could tell something was bothering his best friend. When the sun had finally gone down, and he was sure that prince Arthur had relieved Merlin of his duties, he made his way to the physicians chambers in search of the raven haired man.

When he opened the door, he was met with the view of his friend on his hands and knees scrubbing a stain out of the floorboards. He cleared his throat to alert Merlin of his presence, but he didn't respond. Lancelot trod carefully, so he wouldn’t alarm his friend, and placed a hand gently on his shoulder. At the touch Merlin jumped, nearly knocking the bucket of water over next to him.

“I’m sorry!” Lancelot rushed, quickly withdrawing his hand from the obviously frightened boy. “Oh, Lancelot.” he sighed, visibly relaxing. He then turned back to the floor and started to chew his bottom lip as he was pulled back into his thoughts. Waiting for Merlin to finish. Lancelot paced around the room, opening and skimming books just to have something to do., 

It took a few minutes for the servant to finish his work, but soon he got up and pushed his hair off his forehead with soapy hands. “Sorry, I told Gaius I would finish that before he got back. Is everything alright?” Merlin asked, turning to look at his friend. He was used to the knight’s presence in the physicians chambers, and honestly did enjoy the company, but nobody ever visited this late at night unless they were sick or injured.

“Oh, there’s nothing wrong with me,” he said, looking at the floor. He seemed to be hesitating a bit, and Merlin was a bit worried about his tone of voice, and wondering what he could be insinuating. “Well if nothing is wrong...” he trailed off for a moment before glancing toward the door.

“It’s late and you have to be up early for the dawn patrol,” he finished taking a few steps forward. Lancelot searched the blue-eyed boy for a moment, but avoided Merlin’s direct eye contact. He seemed to be thinking about something, his mouth moving and twitching as he thought of the right words to say. Merlin was starting to feel awkward when the knight walked over to the open door, but instead of leaving through it he closed it. Then locked it. The warlock felt a slight rush of panic in his chest as the knight stepped closer and gently placed a hand on Merlin’s arm.

He took a deep breath. “I was actually wondering if you were okay. I noticed you’ve been acting off these past few weeks, ever since Morgana’s betrayal. I know how close you two were,” he said gently. Alarm bells were ringing in Merlin’s head, he was working very hard to keep his friends from realizing his distress.

But of course Lancelot noticed. He wasn’t oblivious like the other knights and the prince, and he seemed to actually care for Merlin’s well being, (God knows why.) The raven haired man bit his tongue and carefully released himself from Lancelot's grip. He then turned to the workbench and started tidying the contents carefully, making sure the knight couldn’t see his face.

He closed his eyes for a moment to clear his head and said as calmly as possible “I am fine, just a little tired with all the work I do around here.” as it wasn’t untrue, with being Arthur’s servant and protector, along with being Gaius’s ward. Merlin couldn’t see the knight’s face behind him but from the silence that followed he could tell Lancelot didn't believe a word.

When he finally spoke up he was moving slowly around to the other side of the table. “You know, Merlin, It’s okay if you’re not okay. You were very close and you loved her very much. And I’m sure she loved you too, you were really good friends,” He was once again searching Merlin’s face for any type of reaction, but the boy kept his head bowed and his eyes were trained on the bottle he was reading the ingredients of.

Not trusting himself to speak he stayed silent, thinking of a way to get the knight out of his and Gaius’s chambers without alerting suspicion or being rude. He clenched his jaw before looking up to his friend “It’s really late, we both have to be up early in the morning and Gaius will be back soon,” he said smoothly, looking directly at the spot between Lancelot’s eyes.

The knight let out a huff of air and let his fist fall onto the work table, rattling the glass bottles. “No. Because if we don’t have this conversation now, we never will. I care about you, Merlin, you are my best friend. You were there for me when I needed you, now let me return the favor... Please,” he said, trying to capture Merlin’s eyes with his own.

Merlin was panicking, he knew how when the knight was determined he would follow through, damn knights honor. He scowled at the bottle in his hands and set it down gently. “Please leave,” he said firmly, not looking at his friend standing across from him.

“Merlin.” said friend whispered, now making his way back around to stand in front of the warlock. He could feel his resolve starting to crumble and refusing to cry he stepped backwards and right into the glass-covered bench.

Luckily only one fell and broke, providing the shaking Merlin an excuse to turn away from the worried knight. Lancelot could see Merlin was panicking, and he felt horrible to be doing this to his friend, but he knew it had to be done before the raven haired man did something stupid or isolated himself anymore. 

“Merlin.” he said firmly, but not unkindly. He watched as the serving boy scurried to pick up the broken glass and used a nearby rag to mop up the potion. “I’m fine, really. I promise, I’m just tired,” and he sounded desperate even to himself. He could feel tears pricking his eyes and it felt like there was barbed wire wrapped around his throat. 

He hastily picked up the glass shards and piled them onto the potion covered cloth. In his rush he swept his palm across a shard. He cried out as a long bloody gash appeared. He clutched his hand to his chest for a moment before resuming picking up the broken bottle. 

“Merlin? Merlin!” the knight exclaimed as he jumped to his friend’s aid, helping him pick up the last few bits before taking the mess out of the boys hands and disposing of it in a nearby bucket. He turned back to his friend, who was still kneeling on the ground and watching as his wound bled out onto the floor.

He was choking back tears and was breathing quick and heavy. Merlin was not okay. Lancelot walked over to his friend and pulled him onto his feet, then into a tight embrace. He was trying to stay strong but when Lancelot gave him a hug he broke out in tears. Not quiet tears that streamed smoothly down his face but loud, body racking, out of breath sobs that Lancelot was worried could be heard throughout the castle.

He stroked his friends back for a moment before Merlin started talking, his words tumbling over each other in quick phrases of desperation. “It’s all my fault Lancelot, all of it. I knew. I knew Morgana had magic, I could have helped her! I know what it’s like to feel so alone, and I have you and Gaius to help me, and before that I had Will! But she thought she was alone! If I was there for her maybe she wouldn't have turned against us! She could have helped me unite the Lands of Albion!” he was gasping for air by the time he had finished his speech and Lancelot felt his heart plummet. So he really did blame himself. He opened his mouth to respond to Merlin’s rambling when the boy continued speaking.

“I know exactly how she feels, she thought she was so alone, she was probably so scared! I know what it’s like to be scared of your own mind, I know what it’s like to hate every single thing about yourself, and nobody deserves to feel that way. She’s the King's ward! He hates magic! I bet she thought if he found out he would kill her! And you know what? She would be right!” his voice cracked slightly at the end, causing a lapse of silence while he coughed, his throat sore from yelling. 

Lancelot now had tears threatening to fall from his eyes, having no idea this was the way his friend thought of himself. He stayed in silence for a moment before hearing a quiet dripping noise between them. He looked down to see the front of Merlin’s shirt covered in blood. He panicked for a moment before remembering he had cut himself a few minutes before. He let go of his friend before leading him over to Gaius’s bed and gently pushing him down. “What herbs do you need to treat that?” he asked, gesturing to the warlocks' laid open palm. 

Minutes of silence lasted between the two as the knight cleaned, treated, and bandaged the hiccuping servant’s wound. He had finally stopped crying, and his eyes were puffy and red. The two sat together for a long time before Merlin spoke up in barely a whisper “I’m so fucking useless,” he was looking at his hands that were clasped in his lap not moving. Lancelot turned to him in protest, opening his mouth before being shushed by a finger at his lips.

“Even Arthur says so, and he doesn’t even know about half of my failings. Yes, I have saved him many times, but who do you think caused those situations to happen? Gods I am so stupid. I can’t do anything right. I watched Morgana turn before my eyes and didn’t do a single damn thing about it,” he said quietly with tears once again streaming down his face.

Lancelot gently pushed Merlin’s hand away. “None of this is your fault. If you tried to do anything you would have been killed, if not for sorcery then for harming the King’s ward,” he said confidently, not allowing room for argument. “And you aren’t useless. You are the bravest man I know and anyone who knew you as much as I do would see that,” he finished giving a strong nod to emphasize his point. 

The warlock blushed at the compliment, awkwardly not knowing what to say next. His eyes were drooping slightly, and he felt himself swaying as he tried not to fall asleep. Lancelot noticed Merlin’s exhaustion and thought about how late it was. They had to be up in three hours for a dawn patrol. Suddenly a thought struck him. “Where is Gaius?” he asked. 

“Well, first of all you locked the door when you came in, and he probably heard me crying and ran as far away as possible,” Merlin joked slightly, obviously feeling better having talked about what was on his mind.

Lancelot chuckled slightly. “Come on now, go to bed, we have to be up soon,” he said standing up and extending his hand to the boy on the bed that wasn’t his. In response the boy groaned and flopped backwards. “I don’t wanna get up,” he complained looking up at the ceiling. 

“Fine, then don’t,” Lancelot said before flinging the scrawny servant over his shoulder. Despite Merlin’s protests to put him down the knight carried him to his room and threw him gently on the bed.

“Need me to tuck you in too?” the knight said jokingly. Merlin rolled his eyes and gave his friend a genuine smile. Lancelot was opening his bedroom door to leave when a voice stopped him. “Lancelot?” he looked to his friend who had wrapped his blankets tightly around himself. 

“Thank you,” the servant breathed before turning onto his side. Lancelot smiled slightly. “You know we all care about you, we are all here for you. Always. If you need anything ever again, don’t forget to ask,” he said before turning and closing the door. He met Gaius on his way back to his rooms and the old physician smiled at him. He nodded a thanks before walking away. Merlin was supposed to wake up in three hours, which wasn’t nearly enough sleep to function, but it was the best sleep he had in a very, very long time.


End file.
